13 February 2014

Alan Caruba: extinction's no big deal

I'm starting to get a little worried about Alan Caruba, our favorite conservative columnist.  He's always been a little crazy and has had trouble sorting out reality from his fever-dreams, but now he's starting to live entirely in the Newmax/WND bubble.  And in this bubble, environmentalists want to destroy the country.

Yes, he's always hated environmentalists, even declaring that
If there is one lesson to be learned from and about environmentalists, it is that they are utterly relentless. The ultimate goal is one-world government directed from the United Nations by unelected bureaucrats who are soulless strangers to the truth, to morality, to humanity.
But to support this proposition, this former public relations expert for the pesticide industry has begun making claims that are more than irrational and silly.  He's starting to get downright crazy.  Look at some of the assertions in his latest column, "The Endangered Animal Act of Futility":

Environmentalists hate all CO2.  Of course global warming isn't happening, because it's winter and the global climate is always perfectly represented by our backyards, but Caruba goes even further now and suggests that those foolish enviro-whackos want to eliminates all carbon dioxide.  He smugly points out that "all species would die without CO2 maintaining all the vegetation on Earth" and that "all seven billion humans" (including those silly enviros!) "exhale six pounds of it a day."

There's nothing wrong with extinctions.  The Endangered Species Act is unnecessary to prevent extinctions because - and I'm not making this quote up - "species extinction has been around as long as there have been species."  His evidence: dinosaurs.  And I must admit that he is solidly correct when he states that the dinosaurs are extinct, although I'm not sure it quite follows that extinctions are just dandy.  I mean, murder has been around as long as there have been human beings, yet oddly we still try to prevent it.

There are lots of deer and so animals are doing fine.  "In 2012, the New Jersey Department of Environmental Protection estimated that the Garden State was home to 110,000 deer ... Suffice to say New Jersey’s animals are not suffering from a decline in species, nor facing extinction any time soon."  Let me break it down for you.  The chain of airtight Caruba logic goes like this:
1.  There are many deer in New Jersey.
2.  There are also other animals.
3.  Ergo, all of the animals in New Jersey are fine.
4.  And the rest of the country is probably the same.

With logic like this, it's actually kind of amazing that Caruba has been able to stick around to reach Methuselah proportions of age.  I mean, you'd think it would be threatening to your health to believe that a substance must be fine in any amount if it's fine in typical amounts, as Caruba seems to believe about greenhouse gases.  I mean, isn't this attitude towards life dangerous?

You could light the man on fire, and he'd calmly reason that fire must be harmless, since (a) he has seen lots of safe fires in the past and (b) fire helps cook food and keep people warm.  Even if he managed to realize that being badly burnt was a bad thing, he'd still dismiss it because people have been getting badly burnt for as long as fire has existed and there's no point trying to stop it now.  And really, he'd think, he couldn't possibly be actually on fire, because his right shoe isn't on fire.  Probably the rest of him is safely the same.

I guess we should just be glad that Caruba manages to stay alive with deductive powers of such a caliber.

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